Saturday, December 22, 2012

Birthday

For the first time in years, my Facebook account was deactivated. No barrage of emails saying folks who actually don't really give a flying eff about me saying happy birthday, or this year hbd (which comon people? i get you don't care but you don't care so much as to not spell out happy birthday? we're the generation of technology. i'm pretty sure fully typing out happy birthday isn't that difficult. haha sorry little rant)

However, I was blown away by the people who actually made the effort to say happy birthday to me. I have this friend in Ireland, who recently revealed to me that he is the sole Irish reader I have of this blog, who emailed... I was so amazed that he remembered and was humbled that even after not being in contact for months, he A) remembered B) put the effort to write a very sweet email. Even this guy that I actually dated a bit wrote me a "hbd" email with that acronym in the subject but in the body angrily wrote a note about me un-Facebooking him. I thought, "Seriously dude? In a birthday email?"

The Wednesday before my birthday, basically the day before, my wonderful small group threw me a party that will live in my memory forever. It honestly was so great. They transformed a hallway in one of their homes into a Moroccan theme with pillows and beautiful drapes everywhere. But above the top they strung lights so it was like we were dining under the stars! They know me so well. Stars and candelight... Could a woman ask for anymore? Company? HAD IT! Three women who are amazing in their own way... One I have known since I was a child who continually challenges the way I think and is great with words and encouraging. One I have known for a little over a year now but it feels like a lifetime because we get along so famously. She is the most stylish and fun friend I have made recently. She is also incredibly encouraging and she makes it so easy for me to be vulnerable and open with our group. Last but not least, Kristin. I have spoken about her here before but she is, without a doubt, one of my best friends. She knows me incredibly well and never judges me. Even after some of the incredibly stupid things I have done. She always says that I am a "down ass m effer" which I don't think is true but when it comes to me, she is that... Her note/card for my birthday made me cry. All three of their cards are now in my rainy day box.

On the actual date of my birthday, I sent out an evite to about 30 people to join me at Smugglers' Cove and three showed up. But you know what? I honestly didn't care very much because it just showed who actually cares about me and who doesn't. And also my birthday is so near the holidays that it's difficult to make it out to things as well. Anyway. But beforehand, I got taken out to Opaque, which is the restaurant that you dine completely in the dark. It was a great experience! I would totally do it again but this time with the mystery drinks as well. It was seriously so much fun... Too bad it's uber expensive. The other cool thing is that all the servers are legally blind/visually impaired. It was amazing to be able live in their world for a couple hours. I was reminded yet again of how much I truly have in my life.

The start of my 29th year on this earth (yes I had to think about truly which year this is because actually in the US we start at 0 yrs 1 day and the first birthday is actually the end of the first year born. Isn't that weird?) was amazing and one that will live in my memory forever. Thank you to all that made it happen. I will probably update this with photos later!

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Nerves

My stomach has not stopped quivering. My chest feels like it's caving in. I feel like my insides are shaking so hard that they will detach from the walls of my body cavity.

The only other time I have ever felt this nervous is before seating auditions for symphony when I was in high school. Not even when I was auditioning for Impressions. I play violin so the fact that my hands were visibly shaking didn't help calm my nerves and help me play better.

I feel like breaking down and sobbing and the only explanation is that I feel the most nervous I have ever been in my life. Before I wrote this, nobody knew. I'm pretty sure only one person reads this and now you know. (okay but don't worry it'll pass. these feelings have to pass right? I mean my problems are nothing compared to say my sister or anyone who is truly suffering from poverty or hunger)

It's not like my life has led up to this moment. When I get to medical school and am in my white coat ceremony that will be the moment. But right now... why? I can't shake this feeling that when I get there tomorrow, they'll look at me and say, "What on earth were we thinking?" I can't help but think that I will utterly fail.

Maybe this feeling is compounded by the fact that I feel like I am applying to medical school in vain. I really don't think I will get in. I feel like I'm wasting my time and money. Time and money I don't have.

I turn 28 in a couple weeks. Yes that is young. But not that young. I am competing with 22 year olds whose brains are fresh in college and know how to process information quickly. What have I been doing for the past five years (ask many of the schools I apply to)? I feel like a jumble of nothing. Everything my brother said has come true. I am nothing but a compilation of random, inconsequential experiences. I have done nothing of substance. Everything I have done is for naught.

I do not think I will make it. I will have to give up and have a career that is sub-fulfilling (I'm pretty sure I just made that up) and blame myself for it for the rest of my life. This is the beginning of the end.
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Okay so that was super sad but I needed to get that out. What better place than to do that publicly on the interwebs so that people can see my immature cry for attention? Why the eff not. Like I said, I'm almost 28. Like I give a flying eff what people I don't even know think.

Recently dating... meh

Recently I've been dating this guy... Let's call him Will. One of my closest friends saw him on okcupid and read through his profile and thought of me which I thought was actually really nice of her. She messaged him and told him that she thought we'd be a good fit and then emailed both of us to introduce us.

It started off really well. I laughed at his emails. When she showed me his profile, I thought he was cute. We emailed multiple times a day for about a week or so... and then my other really good friend who is a quizmaster with Brainstormer was hosting a Halloween quiz the night before Halloween. Since we had talked about pub quizzes before I thought this would be a good first meet up. And it was! He was really funny and super sociable even with like 8 strangers. At the end of the night it was quite awkward though.... Well I'm an inherently awkward person so it was going to be awkward regardless. But he walked me to my car and we said good bye in about 5 different ways before he finally walked away. Leaving me feeling more awkward than usual. I chalked it up to nerves and the fact that he's also a super smart engineer... Haha I'm so mean.

Then he asked me out to dinner which I thought was a good sign. And I had a great time as I thought he did because he laughed at my lame jokes and I laughed at his stories. Then we got more beer at this bar which happened to have a live cover band and, wait for it, COUGAR NIGHT. Hahahah. It was quite the amazing. It made for great conversation and Will even sang along to a lot of the songs... Like I said, great night. Awkward ending again as I didn't know what to do with myself so as we were saying bye again, I did the penguin flap arms. Just imagine it. You'll see it. Then I loudly said, "Okay bye!!!" as I flung open my arms for a hug. It echoed because we were in a parking garage. Le sigh. I'm so awkward.

Then came the second date. Dinner again but this time we went to a film after. More awkwardness was had as we drove separately from the restaurant to the cinema but eh fine. But then we were super early for the film so we just sat, ate ice cream, and commented on the video gamers. We watched Wreck It Ralph which was super  cute. He walked me to my car again and came another awkward goodbye. No penguin arms this time but we said bye again like 3 different ways before I loudly said BYE and flung open my arms. We hugged and said bye.

So now... I accidentally asked him out and he said no. Then I took it back but asked him to something else. Okay wait. I didn't really take it back but I sort of did. No I will not expand because just thinking about it makes my awkward percentage shoot up like 50%. He declined that invite too which I'm fine with but now I haven't heard back from him.

I think I'm calling it quits. He's a nice guy... I guess I just don't feel that special connection. I guess it's my fault too because I did pray about it that if he's not worth my time for God to make it not happen since I'm such a terrible judge. I mean look at my track record. Not too great. I mean the only "serious" relationship I had only lasted four months and the guy turned out to be a mega-player.

Like I've said before, c'est la vie. Life goes on and really this doesn't matter anyway since I'm (hopefully) going to be in med school this time next year!

Monday, November 26, 2012

Lost battle

So I'm applying to medical school this year and basically got completely and utterly screwed by the central application system for three schools. To the point where I effectively did not even apply to them but they are keeping my money even though that money essentially was not exchanged for anything. They just got my money for no reason.

So here's the story morning glory.

The massive A...M-C-AS (randomly hyphenated and punctuated so I don't get somehow penalized for this later) who handles literally all medical school a,pp.;s has a website where you input all of your course info... excuse me. ALL of your college courses that you have taken. Ever. The reason why I make this point bold and italic is because that is the reason why I got royally screwed. Because I didn't input classes that I "took" in high school, they "unsubmitted" my application THE DAY before the "Forms" due date for most of my schools (or the day AFTER as well). The why is the word took in quotes? Because the classes they told me that I had to input were from when I was in the California Youth Symphony and had to enroll during the academic year I was there to allow us to use their facilities. All pass/fail. Did not count towards anything. BUT because apparently they're still on my stupid Foothill transcripts I was supposed to input them. Okay. For reals??? FROM AGE FOURTEEN. FOR CLASSES THAT DIDN'T EVEN COUNT. How FREAKING ridiculous is that? I was literally livid.

I have never in my life called for the sole purpose of complaining but I couldn't keep it in. I called to yell at anyone who answered the phone. I did tell them that I wasn't mad at them but rather their organization and the ridiculous bureaucracy that they make students jump through. Seriously. What is the freaking point of making us put in all of our courses, when you scan our transcripts anyway? And then the guy I was talking at literally laughed while I was yelling at him and I said, "I fail to see the humor in this. You are messing with my career and the rest of my life..." To which he replied, "Woah ma'am. We are not messing with anything." And I said, "Effectively you are." I could go on and on and on about the absolute crud he was telling me but I won't bore you with the details.

The point is I lost my battle and also a ton of money because of the bitches that are this organization. Because of their shitty monopoly. If only there was another service out that that I could use. Le. SIGH.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Thankful

This week I have much to be thankful for. I mean in general I have tons  to be thankful for... but this week specifically has been utterly ... well. Undeserved by me.

Let's start with the fact that on Monday I had an interview at this behemoth of a company here in the Silicon Valley. I can say that without disclosing actually where because there are a number of ginormous companies here so HA!

Oh wait let me back up.

So last week was the week of comedy. I saw Louis CK on Wednesday, Rex Navarette on Friday, and Hannibal Buress on Saturday. All in all, hilarious. But by Friday I was not feeling great. Woke up with a sore throat and generally just tired. I figured it was lady times. It wasn't. The next day I woke up with a sore throat too and was phlegmy and gross. BUT I had signed up for the Awesome 80s Run in San Francisco (which indeed was AWESOME) for Sunday and I wasn't about to back out. My outfit was too great.
Yes. That is a Delorean. And yes. I sat in it after pointing at it. One of my prouder moments in life.
So I did the stupid, stubborn thing and ran a 10K on Sunday. The event was incredibly fun. The running? The worst. It was super hard for me to breathe but I pushed myself to finish it ... And I did!

With A HUGE COST. The next morning I woke up super super sick.  Like, sneezing with a ton of snot coming out. The sneezing felt great, everything else was annoying and stupid. And of course I had the interview with the already mentioned prestigious company. Mind you I have been working in a job for a month that has absolutely nothing to do with want I want to do in life, so while I have been extremely  thankful for a job, I have been super bored at this job. So when this interview was offered I jumped. There was no way I was going to back out. By the grace of God, I didn't sneeze during the whole 35 minute interview and then was able to blow my nose like I had never done before when they left me to do my writing sample. Two and a half hours later, I was offered the job! Beyond thankful for this

Up until this point, I have applied to about 80 jobs. I did not get an interview for any of them. I didn't even get contacted back from about half of them (effing Stanford thinks they are so great that they don't need to extend the courtesy of an email rejecting someone). I applied for a job at this non-profit too that seemed perfect for me because I would get to apply my masters degree knowledge whilst  doing what I want to do the most in life... help underserved communities get quality health care.

I'm also thankful that my current job is so great and understanding and is letting me go. A large part of this is my friend who initially got me the job. She made sure that the manager understood that I could leave at any moment. OH and on Monday, I had my first call fully in Spanish! I was so proud of myself and everyone was proud of me too! I didn't falter one bit and I even remembered words for random things were we talking about! And I made her laugh. Mostly because she asked me immediately if I spoke Spanish and at first I said no. Then I felt bad and said (in Spanish), well, if you speak really slowly, I speak a little Spanish. I even used the subjunctive. It felt awesome. Jaja (yeah. I did that.)

Then of course my brother came home who I always love to see because well he's my brother but also he brings home this barrage of films. This time we watched Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, End of Watch, and ParaNorman. The last one we watched just the two of us and it was nice. I know that's a weird word to use but it was. Nice.

We had dinner at my cousins' just about 40 minutes north of me where we not only celebrated Thanksgiving with our Korean flare but our niece's first birthday! She's so freaking adorable. She and her older brother have husky voices which I love. And they're both so sweet! I made a gif of her because I could not get enough. Then my friends and I had BFF Thanksgiving which was great as well. So this point is... I'm thankful for people that love me but also like me

What can I say? I've got it pretty good :)

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Numb

In regards to my last post, I think... I'm actually just numb. While we were closing at small group tonight the thought flashed in my brain. The reason why I didn't have a complete meltdown was because I'm getting numb. Last year when I went to HMB, I completely broke down. I couldn't stop crying and wailing. Yes. Wailing. It might be because it was the first year I was home so the weight of her absence was more felt... but in any case, I sobbed my eyes out.

This time, I likened it to that I must be getting better ... I must be in the last "stage of grief" as put forth by Kubler-Ross, acceptance. But when thinking about it at small group, I'm not accepting of her death still. I still sometimes feel partially responsible. I still feel like it's completely unfair and if she had just waited until her boyfriend picked her up for lunch she'd still be here. What if, what if, what if....

Back to being numb. I think I'm really stressed out about applying to schools and jobs (for jobs I've applied to way too many, and I'm a little ashamed that I've applied to so many and have gotten rejected or just never heard back from them) and I've been consumed with those things. This past weekend, I made sure I was kept busy so I didn't really have time to think about truly how I felt and how I was dealing with the loss. Maybe that's a good thing, maybe that's just me stifling down more of my emotions. Hm.

Anywho. That was a depressing post. As were the past couple. Things will get better, I promise.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Feelings

It's been three years since she's been gone. What's weird to me is that unlike the past two years, today (this month in general so far) has not been as filled with sadness. Don't get me wrong. I still think about her. And sometimes it goes to the bad place of me asking the why questions... But like I was telling a friend today, I always come back to the fact that the night before, I told her I loved her and she told me she loved me too. For that, I will be forever grateful. That even though it was a text, I got to say what I didn't say nearly enough to her. 

After she died, (and to be completely cliche) I came to appreciate who was still around even more. Even three years out, if someone says, "I've been kind of sad lately" my ears and my heart stand on edge. I don't think I can handle another person close to me dying at a young age. I tell my friends I love them. A lot. I think to the point where they feel weird about it but I can't help it. What if something happens and God forbid they die or slip into a coma... and I have to wait until I die to meet them again to tell them how much I loved them? 

That's the hard part. The waiting. I just... I just want to be able to look her physically face to face and say, "Buddy, I love you. Don't leave me." I know it's selfish but I can't help it. I want to hug her tight one last time and tell her that if she wants me to let go, she's going to have to force me. I want her to wear her butt pads when we go to a bar again and we can laugh about it. I want to make her ramen and not let her clean up. 

But really all I want is to have her back. 

I know I won't get her back so I'll keep on living and grasping at the memories so they don't fade. I'll keep telling my friends that I love them. And I'll keep telling her I love her too.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

My beautiful friend


My beautiful friend. You would have turned 26 today. This will always be how I remember you. With a smile and a sparkle in your eyes. We both enjoyed the music of Snow Patrol so I picked one of our favorite songs and took some lyrics. I love you and miss you.

Friday, October 12, 2012

My ode to Cañada College

This year I took classes at Cañada College in Redwood City. It was my second time at a semester system institution but it was loads better than the first time around. Their cap is 20 units which I think is really smart because unless you rock at school and understand completely how to manage your time (which most 18 year olds or younger don't) that is more than enough. I basically maxed out and took chemistry, microbiology, nutrition, and physiology. I was a biological sciences major at Davis so I figured this should be super easy. Honestly? It wasn't the easiest but it was pretty much a cake walk. HOWEVER I am terrible at chemistry and the last time I took it was about 10 years ago so yeah. 

So my ode starts with the fact that when I was trying to enroll they asked me about 3 questions about my residency status in the US. I was no stranger to this because stupid De Anza and Foothill gave me hellish grief about not be a resident of the United States. Every time I went to each campus (about 3 times and stupid De Anza at least 2 more times than Foothill.) they had a different hoop for me to jump through. And of course each time it got more ridiculous or the person from before forgot to tell me one very important detail about what they needed from me. At Cañada, they basically asked me why I was away, how long I had been back, and my CA state driver's license. BAM. DONE. IN ONE TRIP.

AND THEN. In that same trip, they said, "Oh you're a new student, would you like to talk to a guidance counselor?" And I said, "Sure" thinking why the heck not? I have no idea how this campus works and how the courses correspond to nursing/med school. The guy was super nice and even tried to get me to take the "easier" chem class because (and he said this) "I'm sure you're capable of the other, but if you can get an A in the class it will look better for school and you'll be learning basically the same thing!" So freaking nice. Then of course all the teachers/professors there were super nice and helpful. They truly wanted to be there. I honestly think that if all my professors at Davis had been like that, I would've walked out of there with at least a 3.0. 

My most recent encounter which prompted me to write this ode involved me getting my transcripts in for AMCAS. They don't take part of the "Credential Solutions" site but you can still order them online. I don't mind driving so I just went to campus. I expected to pay at least $10 for a rush transcript. I talked to the administrative lady and she was A) super sweet B) super helpful. We talked about medical school, my appendix bursting, and culture. Then as I got my wallet out she said, "Okay well, I'll get this done right now and it will be in the outgoing mail today. Good luck!" I stood there for a couple seconds and it finally registered that I didn't have to pay a CENT. Even for a rush! I looked it up online and apparently, you don't have to pay for your first official transcript and subsequent ones are only $5. What?! 

I seriously love that school. The school colors are the A's colors which makes it even more fun. (Even though they lost :(:(:( I'm so sad). I love you Cañada. 

Friday, October 5, 2012

Another pet peeve

So, two bands that I love (and I do not toss that word around willy nilly), Mumford & Sons and Muse,  recently released new albums and I've been hearing one of my pet peeve phrases about music: "It sounds exactly the same as everything else they've done."

Okay. My issue with that statement is THAT'S WHY THEY ARE DOING SO WELL. Their music, what they do (and they do it fantastically well... because really, could you do any better? No? Then shut it), is what has made them successful. I've been hearing that more about Babel, the Mumford & Sons album, and it drives me crazy. It also kind of reminds me of that SNL skit with Will Ferrell and Christopher Walken about more cow bell. Except people are saying they've had enough of their (Mumford & Sons) shtick of the banjo... THAT'S THE KIND OF MUSIC THEY PLAY.  They are a FOLK rock band. Folk!!!!! Do you know what instruments are involved in folk music? ALMOST ANYTHING. It's FOLK. Almost anything goes... But American folk traditionally involves vocals, acoustic guitar, fiddle, banjo, mandolin, and harmonica. But guess what? Mumford & Sons are from England so as an American, I have no idea what makes English folk music but I'm going to guess pretty much the same as American folk music because the US was first founded by people FROM ENGLAND.

Can you tell it irks me? It's just that I feel like when people bash on artists in that way, my immediate thought is that if they came out with something completely different then their previous albums they would complain about that too! That they "sold out" ... which is another music phrase that drives me insane. But when another band that I love releases a new album and I start hearing that I'll blog about that then. (It'll probably be Green Day but we'll see). But what would lovers of Mumford & Sons do if they all of a sudden got rid of their banjo and completely changed the way their vocals sounded? They'd be confused and upset! They'd be a completely different band, different sound and probably not folk rock... So to the people who are complaining about the new Mumford  & Sons I say to you, "If you think you're so great, go make an album that destroys records of how many albums are sold in one week. I dare you to try."

And here's a funny gif that my friend sent me that sums up every Mumford & Sons song. Which I think is hilarious and pretty accurate... ahhaa

And then Muse! Now they're a bit different because some of their albums have in fact been very different when compared to each other... what holds true is Matt Bellamy's voice and their always epic sound. They're so influenced by classical music that you can hear the musicality and how intricate their songs are. Even when they're minimalist like their single Madness, it's still complex when you listen to the build and the decrescendo (sorry going music nerd on y'all). I always appreciate Muse's boldness in the sounds they make. One of my finest moments in life is when I didn't completely lose it when I met them. I almost did but I held it together. I didn't squeak like I did when I met my "husband" Xavi Alonso. That was uncool. But again, that's another blog post.

Anyway sorry for the rant but it had to be done.

Monday, October 1, 2012

It's officially been a year...

It's been a year since I've been home from graduate school. I wish I could say I've done much in the year but I haven't. I've been looking for jobs and being incredibly unsuccessful. I got rejected by the Global Health Corps again (that was earlier this year). Unsuccessful dating too. I think I've gained like 15 lbs. Ugh. Overall not a very successful year.

What I can say though is that I've gained friends and have made friendships stronger. Albeit that some of my friendships have grown weaker, I have matured and have been able to let them go. Or in the process of letting them go. It's just one of those things that happen as people get older I think. You start realizing which relationships are worth the effort and which ones aren't. One way I've started to handle it is by asking, "Does this person value me as I value them?" I know that sounds incredibly selfish but honestly, why should I put in effort into something when the person receiving it could care less about how much I care for them? I'm not talking about romantic relationships here, I'm talking about friendships. Take my best friend for example. She and I see each other maybe twice a year if we're lucky. We don't even talk every day. But we know that we have each others' backs and when we do talk or hang out, I know on my side that I never feel like there's some kind of ulterior motive from her. Like she's not using me for something. Sometimes with other friends I do, and that's when I get moved to stop pursuing. Or if I feel like I'm doing that to them you know?

ANYWHO. Like I said before, I have gained friends and for that I am incredibly thankful. One of which is Miriam. She is possibly one of the funniest people I know and the fact that she grew up on the East Coast is a breath of fresh air. She tells it like it is but also is unafraid to tell me/us (her small group) where she stands with us. I like that. I like that she's frank about how she views us and that she doesn't feel like she needs to sugar coat. You don't hear that kind of honesty always. I'm pretty sure she doesn't read this but I want to wish her a happy birthday and also, I made her this Chocolate Souffle Cake. 

Recipe from Tartine. She and her family loved it! 
Here's to a year of being back in the United States and to my new friend Miriam!

Friday, September 28, 2012

just some inner thoughts

Today is my ex's birthday. It's also his golden birthday. So many thoughts have run through my head. Does he know? Is he being treated well? .... Does he think about me? The last one is probably a no. The more I think about our time together and how it ended, I become more aware of the fact that I was in way too deep for my own good. He could not have cared less about me. That was a weird sentence. What I mean is, I could have disappeared from his life a lot sooner and he wouldn't have even noticed. He was/is a master game player.

Despite that, I don't hate him. I know it seems like I do, but I don't. He probably at first thought, "Wow an American girl likes me. Great!" And then it became horrendously real for him. His birthday present for me was supposed to be a weekend away so that he could show me his family namesake's castle in the West. It never happened. Not going to lie, I feel slightly cheated but really... why should I even feel that way? I have no right. Yes my feelings were real, but they were not reciprocated. I should have known. I felt it a month in advance and tried to break up with him first to avoid the pain, but I was convinced not to. Shame on me for believing the lies. This doesn't fall on him, it falls on me.

The craziness that ensued post-breakup also falls on me. I am more mature than that. I should have harnessed my anger and pain. I had done it before, why did I react that way? Unfortunately, time travel is still not possible and I cannot undo what I have done. All I can do is be thankful that God is a forgiving God and still loves me, even though I pulled some incredibly stupid things.

So, how do I feel at the end of the day? Not too great. But honestly? And call me a total goober but I keep thinking of the line from Love Actually when the guy leaves Keira Knightley after showing her the placards confessing his love and as he walks away he says, "Enough. Enough now" because that's how I feel. I'm putting a stop to these feelings now. It's enough. No more torturing myself of how I could've been a better girlfriend. No more wondering "what if." No more saving a place for him in my heart.

Enough. Enough now.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Awkwardness

I've been meaning to write about this for a while. A friend that I was talking to said a while ago that she thinks that a culture of awkwardness has been made in our generation. I believe we are in generation Y or Millienial but more than that I feel like it's the hipster/cool to be a nerd generation. I completely agree with my friend because I think I hear the word "awkward" to describe situations and people waaaaaay more than I used to. What's funny is that a lot of the time, I don't think these people who are using the work awkward actually mean it. It has lost its meaning. I know that sounds incredibly Judgey Judgesmith of me but these "beautiful" people who say, "OMG that was like so awkward, I was having such a bad hair day" (okay I've never actually heard anyone say that but things along those lines) to me sound incredibly so insincere. I just want to push them and say, "Are you serious? Do you even know what awkward is? Let me show you..." and commence my truly awkward life.

Now most people say, "Dude shut up... you're not awkward. You are so at ease in all situations... blah blah blah." The truth is all my life, I have been extremely good at hiding what I truly feel on the inside. In high school people thought I was a happy go lucky teenager who loved life. Truth was, I hated life and everything in it. Very few things brought me joy but it soon got to be too much for me... Anyway. No body knew what I was feeling, not even my family. The only people that found out was because I told my youth group at the time what I was going through and they showered an amazing amount of love on me. I don't tell this story to get "aww so sad" reactions but I tell this story to show what a master of acting I am (I know I'm SO humble ;) hehe) ... I battled with hate demons in me for two years before anyone knew what I was going through because everyone thought that I was the girl who was so happy that all I could do or wanted to do was make others laugh. In reality, I was just covering up my own pain.

Back to the awkwardness. I also realized as I got older, as "extroverted" as I am, I am actually very uncomfortable with myself and therefore, in many situations. I was/am the embodiment of Merriam-Webster's definition: "lacking the right proportions, size, or harmony of parts :ungainly <an awkward design>" or so I feel that way. And by transitive proptery, I am awkward. The Oxford dictionary definition fits me even better: "1causing difficulty; hard to do or deal with: 2causing or feeling embarrassment or inconvenience:3not smooth or graceful; ungainly: uncomfortable or abnormal:" ... You may think I'm not hard to deal with but I think I am. And because of this I become #2 embarrassed and also #3 ungraceful and uncomfortable. It's a vicious cycle. Because of all these things, I operate on a low grade feeling of awkwardness at all times. I revealed this to my best friend Serina a couple years ago and she was astounded. (further evidence to the fact of how great of an actress I am). I grade my awkwardness on a percentage scale. I am very rarely at 0%. Even with my family. I'd say 99% of the time, I'm about at 20-30%. Low but still there. It's because a lot of the time I'm in my own head and my ADD of seeing and processing everything around me.

But my friend in SG said she thinks it's because of the interwebs and how we have become a generation behind a screen whether it's in our laps, in our hands, or at a desk. I agree with her. But also I think some people (like me) are just born this way. I wish with all my heart that I wasn't this awkward and I just felt comfortable with myself but it's so difficult. Le sigh.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Electric picnic!! (mostly photos)

A year ago today my flatmate in Ireland and I went to quite possibly one of the best music festivals I have ever been to in County Laois (I will buy lunch to whoever can pronounce that correctly the first time) called Electric Picnic. Aaaaaand commence photos.
The campsite next to us... We think those were "VIP"

Sad blow up chapel

I made her do that... But what a great photo!

One entry gate 

One of the GREAT tents!

Another tent

My sentiments exactly

I did NOT tell her to do this

Willy Mason

Wish I could remember who this was... I think it's Shouting at Planes  

Love this one

MS. SINEAD O'CONNOR!!

Foster the People!

Pains of Being Pure at Heart

SANTIGOLD!!!!! Such a wicked awesome set. Seriously.. complete with costume changes and everything!

Also cannot remember who this is

EDWARD SHARPE AND THE MAGNETIC FREAKING ZEROOOSSS!! Again such an awesome set and I am so sad that I cannot make their Bay Area show

I did not use but M did... ahah

My first ferris wheel ride!

M and I .. flatmates fo life!

Orchestral Manoeuvers in the Dark... one of my fave 80s bands! Love the awkward way he dances

Ahhh sunset

LYKKE LI! She was awesome... Her vocals were turned waaay too low though

I stopped being too excited and bouncing around long enough to take this

Best photo I got because I was bouncing around too much!

Public Enemy... of COURSE I had to see them

Another shot that is the "best" because I couldn't stop dancing to take photos because it's the Chemical Brothers!!

The Family Stone hehe

As it says, The Go! Team. 

Yayyyy

FREAKING BEIRUT! So so so so so good

Sunset dos

Oh yes .... I saw The Drums. And they rocked.

Ahhhh Pulp. 
It just ended this past weekend.... And I have to say I was so so sad that I was not there. Definitely one of the best music festivals I have ever been to!

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Sometimes Koreans really piss me off

The church I attend happens to be in the same building as the one my eldest aunt and uncle on my mom's side attends. I bump into them every once in a while as where we have fellowship and they get my attention somehow. They grab my arm, shove themselves into the group I'm talking to, or make wild gestures until I see them. They make me feel... like I'm a child again I'm sure part of it is that thing that happens that your first memory or impression of someone is very strong and is how you will view them for their whole lives. I'm guilty of that too... I have more than a few dongsengs (younger siblings for you non-Koreans) that I will see forever as children or will always remind them of what they did when they were children. 

I digress. So this past Sunday at church my uncle waves me over frantically and he and my aunt begin to pepper me with questions of how I'm doing. (Let me back up.. This past Friday I sprained my ankle pretty badly and my aunt did acupuncture on it). I answered all of them and my aunt, who is normally very quiet says something and laughs. I didn't quite catch it (but I'm pretty sure I did but just didn't want to hear it) and she says in Korean, "Don't eat so gosh darn much!" And laughs. I added the gosh darn because that is how the tone was. What was I eating? Well on my plate were two little slices of crouton-y bread with spread on them and a small 1x2 slice of provolone cheese. I smiled and nodded and they left me standing there with (apparently to them) the disgusting amount of food I had on my plate. 

Can you tell that I was more than a little annoyed? All my life I have had issues with my physical appearance. When I was younger, I felt too tall. As I got older, I was definitely too tall and big. I played soccer and swam. My mother is an insanely good cook so I ate well. I drank a lot of milk. In junior high and high school,  my body image issues decided to blossom and pervade my entire life. I did not deal with them well. To this day, I am not comfortable in my own skin. Of course as I get older I get better about it but honestly... I've been noticing more and more that Koreans (maybe it's all Asians but I know Koreans well) love pointing out my "bigness." My parents had a few people over a couple weeks ago, people I had never met, and the first thing they say? "Wow, your daughter is big/has a big body." Thanks. I hadn't noticed. 

Anywho. I was/still am kind of annoyed and upset at the comment my aunt made. I guess I'm not over it. Le sigh.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Chang's visit

A year ago, my friend Chang that I've known for forever, visited me while on leave from Germany in Dublin. We did a lot of outdoorsy things... I went sea kayaking for the first time and I took her surfing as well. We had an absolute blast! It was pretty different from the other friends that had come and visited me (not that the others were bad) but this was very, very relaxed and outdoorsy. Full of activities!
This is where we went kayaking and actually surfing as well!
 We also did a lot of driving; well I did. Which I love so not a big deal at all... The best part? We talked A LOT. And it was soul refreshing. She may be younger than me, but it was something that I felt that I had missed.. I actually felt it when my friend Marina and Andi came as well but I think because Chang and I grew up in church together it was slightly different.
Luscious Ireland (the West)
 We even went to a bar... Not the one pictured below but how could I resist taking a photo of that!? I forget exactly where we were but the colors of the flags will tell you what county we were in.
I miss this (random bars)
 And then of course, we went to a rugby match. This was super fun... I think people were really confused as to why two Asian girls were there.. without guys. Haha. I definitely did not see any groups of just women let alone minority groups. It was kind of fun! Not to mention we got to watch the French National team.. unfortunately they walloped the Irish National team but eh. It was super fun!
My first and only rugby match that I went to
It was a tad awkward because although the stadium was sold out, I was a bit on edge that I'd see my ex. I was very not in the mood to see him even though we were friends at the time. I'm not sure why I felt that way but I did. 

These "year ago today" posts make me miss Ireland like no one's business. Is fada liom uaim Baile Átha Cliath.

Friday, August 10, 2012

I am the queen

Just crowned myself the queen of brekkie.... Ex-bf eat your heart out

"Eggy in a basket" (or "pirate eye") with ripe avocado seasoned with a bit of garlic salt and pepper

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Rest from Facebook

I forgot how refreshing it is to be gone from Facebook. I deactivated it probably about 3-4 weeks ago now and it honestly feels weirdly great. There are times when I'm like "Crap I can't remember when this person's birthday is" but then I think, "Well, I remember the birthdays that are really, truly important to me." Well except for one person. I couldn't remember her birthday and I felt really bad. I think she understands though. We've known each other forever.

But anyway, gone is the need to try to be "that person" for all these people that I really don't need to care about. Notice how I said "don't need" ... I want to care but I am spreading myself way too thin. Why overly care when they could care less about what my opinion or anything is? I think I get caught up in these crazy hypotheticals (and yes I'm now singing that song in my head) and kind of like my sister, I have this weird, hero complex. Like if I catch someone's status about something super depressing, I can waltz into their life and save them. When really, I couldn't even do that with someone incredibly special to me (and I know I couldn't have done anything anyway).

No doubt I will go back to it. It always drags me back somehow. But I think I'll do a purge. I always say I will but this time... I think I should. Starting with my old residents who probably don't even remember who I am! I always had this weird logic/thinking that they would be so mad at me or be like, "How dare she?!" But then will I ever see them again? And why does it matter that there are people who think like that for at most a day? Because really, if they even thought about me like that, do I want them in my life and knowing stuff in my life? Not really. (Man I sound mean)

Anywho, back to studying and realizing more and more how much I don't know. Le sigh.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Thursday, July 19, 2012

family is too fun

So yesterday my sister and I took 2 of our nieces (from our cousin) to see Les Miserables. The older one, D, just turned 13 and is reading the novel and is completely obsessed with it. I mean she brought the book to the theatre and calls it her baby. Hilarious. The younger, E, just turned 11 and I think she was just excited to be out and about. I picked them up in Santa Clara from my cousin's work and the fun began!

We drove up to San Francisco and there was no traffic thank goodness. They commented on how the drive felt so much longer "when they were younger." Of course that statement made me feel incredibly old. But in any case, I thought the drive was going to be super awkward but it ended up being really, really great! She was so jazzed and excited, she could not stop talking about it. So she hasn't finished the book but she was so excited and loved it so much so quickly, that she read the middle and the end! It was so amazing to listen to her talk... She's getting so grown up and chooses her words so carefully. Of course she still is very much a teenager but yeah. It's also a tad bit disconcerting that I agree with her or can talk to her about a bunch of different topics. I am apparently, a teenage girl still. Haha.

We ate at The American Grilled Cheese Kitchen which was yet again, great. My sister and I both got the "Red, White and Blue plate special" which was a small sandwich with soup or salad. I got salad and my sister got the soup but we both got the jalapeno popper sandwich. It was surprisingly spicy but so delicious. D got the mac n cheese stuffed grilled cheese and E got the mouse trap. They loved their sandwiches and even ate their plums after! Which was a great touch. The plums were perfectly ripe and everything!

We watched the musical and D absolutely loved it. She said it went really fast but trying to shove 1400 pages of a very dense novel into 3 hours is pretty difficult and she admitted that. But she couldn't even decide what her favorite song was and was alllllll smiles. Again, I think E liked that we were just hanging out. I don't think she quite got it but it was okay. I forgot how much sex and stuff is in it so that made me a bit uncomfortable but later D confirmed my worst fear... 13 year olds know way  more than they should about sex. That makes me so sad. But also I was a little happy on the inside because she still said it was gross! YAY! Haha... it's the little wins that you need to take.

The funniest/saddest part of the day for me? When they said that they had never seen manual windows before (sad part) BUT they said it was cool and retro and they loved the "rolly windows"... I'M COOL AGAIN!!!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

annoyance

another word vomit post but i've excessively exhaled in the library about 6 times in the last 20 minutes and have become that crazy woman. so i need to get it out or else i might scream.

i really hate (and i don't use that word often) editing cover letters and resumes. for some ridiculous, stupid reason i take the constructive criticism incredibly personally and i effing hate that about myself. every edit i see that i've gotten this voice in my head goes, "are you serious?! EFF ME. why? why was that idea bad? why are you 'ambivalent' about this? UGH GODDAMMIT"

it doesn't help that i got a scolding email sent with the edits. what a great way to get me to accept your edits humbly. NOT. i'm SO FREAKING frustrated right now that i just want to scream and yell at my computer as if it was someone but i can't. because i'm in the stupid library. wasting my life. i hate it.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Break ups

I just broke it off with a guy for the second time in my life. It was really difficult to approach but honestly, after talking it over and praying about it with one of my best friends and small group leader (I'm SO lucky to have those two characteristics in one person) I knew once and for all it was the right thing to do. For the first time in my life (that I can remember) I truly feel "free" in God and from sin. I'll be the first to admit/confess that many times leading the Christian life can feel constricting in the things you can and cannot do, but this time, I feel free in God... As K said tonight, I'm running into faith rather than from it. I truly, truly feel free now... Before I felt trapped, like I was lying to so many people. But now, I have nothing to hide. The thing that was holding me back is gone. Okay that last sentence sounded really mean because I called a human being a thing but I don't mean him but I mean the sin surrounding him being in my life.

I'm not going to say he took it well because he sounded pretty angry. The first time I had to do this, the guy was actually very sweet and wished me the best. The "take care" at the end of our phone conversation felt contrived and forced. It's okay. I know I meant it. I only can now hope and pray that I didn't hurt him and make his feelings for Christians shift negatively (because he knows I am one).

God is good. All the time. I need to remember that.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Brink of death


Morbid title I know. But that's basically what a year ago today was. I almost died. I cheated death for the second time in my life. I'm guessing someone upstairs wants me alive. Maybe. Also, I look at it as a way to completely empathize with my future patients when I'm a health professional (notice the vagueness?)... Anywho. Let's walk down (painful but interesting) memory lane, shall we?

On a Tuesday in March last year, the 29th to be exact, I started have crazy intense pain in my lower abdomen. It sort of accumulated throughout the day but at night it became so incredibly unbearable that I literally shoved my head into the corner of our couch and was yelling as loud as I could. My flatmate, M, thought I was dying. There were moments where I thought I was okay but then my insides would be like, "HA! You wish buddy... This is what you get for torturing me." M and I decided that it was women issues so we heated up the heat pack and laid it across my lower abdomen and turned on a mindless movie to distract me from the pain. I also took about 6 AdvilPMs. I may have even taken 2 Excedrin PMs. They semi-helped but not really. Didn't really feel nauseous, not that I remember anyway, except for when I was in extreme pain and then when I was done trying to stifle my yells of pain, I felt a little weird. I battled with the pain and didn't really sleep but in the end I guess I was so exhausted from fighting the pain I fell asleep.

The morning of the 30th, I woke up from my non-sleep and was in so much pain I couldn't move. To go to the bathroom, I doubled over and shuffled (meaning tiny baby steps, about 5-6 for one of my normal strides) 4 feet. It took me about 5 times longer than normal. Probably more. As I put my body back into my bed, I texted M and said, "I think I really need to go to the hospital." We had agreed the night before that if I still felt like my insides were trying to make their way out of my body "Alien" style, we'd go to the hospital.

I wore a hoodie and sweats into the streets of Dublin, which to those of you who don't know, is complete "North Dublin" wear... That is, what "track suit wearers" would wear out. M told me that people were looking at me as if I was a leper and dying. I felt like it. I climbed into a taxi (with the help of M gently pushing me over to the other side) and began the most painful cab ride of my life. I felt every bump, turn, and shift change.

As we got to the Mater Hospital, I walked (shuffled) into the A&E and plopped myself down onto the nearest chair. M, the superstar and amazing person that she is, took care of everything. Even when I had to go to the bathroom, she came in with me and made sure I didn't fall in. Yes, I lost every shred of dignity during this time of battling death. I finally got called in for the initial check in and the nurse looked at me with the most pitied look I have ever seen. I plopped down into the chair and she proceeded to ask me questions, take my blood pressure, and temperature. My temperature was 40 degrees Celsius. That's 104 F. 3 degrees away from possible brain damage. I think she gave me some pills to swallow which took an immense amount of energy and escorted me back to my seat in the waiting room. She told us as we walked outside that they would try to find a bed as soon as possible because clearly, something was very wrong.

Sure enough they found a bed. Where was it? In the plaster room. What is that in American terms? Where they put fiberglass casts on folks with broken bones. Why there? They had no other beds and they really needed me to be laying down and probably also not to freak out the other people in the waiting room. Then I waited. And waited. During the (approximately) 7 hours of waiting, my pain changed. It didn't completely go away but it definitely changed. It was at this point (and after 3 doctors confirmed it was appendicitis) that people started to really freak out. In hindsight, this is because my appendix burst. As the doctors and interns put it, "It was shredded" and "It was a mess in there."

Finally after my surgery I was transported upstairs to the ward where I would be staying. Honestly, I don't remember much of that besides the pain from being transferred from the surgical table to the bed. I should have gotten better. The key word in that sentence is should. Over the next five days, my belly swelled until it looked like I was 7 months pregnant and I could not stop vomiting. Even when there was nothing left to vomit, I vomited bile. I had an NG (nasogastric) stuck up my nose then snaked down to my stomach to make me stop vomiting. Weirdly, that was one of the most painful parts of this whole ordeal. I had multiple x-rays, ultrasounds, and CT scans. Oh and of course blood draws which were real fun since I have ridiculously small vessels.

On the fifth of April after my final CT scan results came back, the doctors rushed in and said, "We are taking  you to surgery again. Sign these forms. Now." My mesoappendiceal tissue was "raw and oozing" <-- that is a direct quote from my surgical report. (if you want photos http://irishenanigansbyme.blogspot.com/2011/04/sick-saga.html)

I was in the hospital for a total of 17 days. I was getting fed through tubes exactly 2000 kcal a day. They said I was supposed to be there for a month. The doctors said I was lucky and that they think my mom had something to do with my quick recovery... I'm sure that's part of it but I think it was God.

A year later I'm great! Well not fully great because I haven't exercised AT ALL and instead gained ALL the weight back :( ah well. I will start gearing up soon because I just need to be healthy again!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Last day of Irish classes

A year ago today, I finished my scheduled classes at Trinity College Dublin for my Masters in Global Health. I'm not going to lie .. it was a HUGE relief. People think I'm very intelligent but honestly, I'm not. I work hard and especially because of the ADD it's really difficult for me to do school. I know this presents a large problem for me especially with my desire to go to medical school but I've developed certain techniques that help me to focus and I've found that when I'm reading/studying something that really interests me, I can sit for a quite a long while (I'm sure like many other people) before I get fidgety.

Anywho, my last module was nutrition and global health. The subject that most motivated me to come do the program. Throughout the program I definitely got exposure to way more things and now I can sufficiently back myself up when I say, "No you can't do just one aspect, it's integrated." Finishing up my classes when more than half my cohort was done was a challenge because a lot of them were taking trips and such and I was stuck in class. Nevertheless, I tried my hardest and did pretty okay.

Of course we ended classes before St. Patrick's Day which was great because obviously, no one was going to go to class that day nor the day after. It was quite an experience and one of the things on my bucket list that I got to cross off!

Back to finishing classes though. It was quite a feat for me. I had officially finished grad school modules. I wanted to run through the streets of Dublin yelling, "I DID IT! ME! ADD RIDDLED, TOTALLY ORGANIZATIONALLY CHALLENGED ME!!!!" But I didn't. Instead, my amazing flatmate and I quietly (well quieter than most other Irish folk) went out for drinks.

Today, it was just another day. But today, instead of finishing my last grad school class, I have my Masters and am sitting in undergrad classes. You know what helps me to keep going and do well? The fact that I have my degree and am working towards a career. Sometimes that brings me down too. It's one of those... double statements? I'm sure there's a more eloquent English phrase for that but as you can see by my writing, I am far from eloquent. Anywho, a year ago today I was more behind than I am now. I need to keep telling myself that.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Stream of conscious

When I had a xanga (back in the day), I used to do this thing called, "stream of conscious" posts. It seems immature but honestly, they help a lot. Unfiltered thinking can hurt but because I'm such a verbal processor and the fact that this is so public, sometimes helps me to stay in check and air my dirty laundry into the world where there are problems way worse than mine. Also, it's like my little pensieve... Like in Harry Potter. Although I wish I had a real one so my freaking memory wouldn't be so jumbled up all the time and when I try to recall things people stop asking me, "Were you that drunk?!" when in fact it was something in the middle of the day, therefore I would absolutely NOT be drunk. Duh.

Anyway. Here goes. My first stream of conscious post on blogger. Oh also there should be a disclaimer that these thoughts (more than likely negative) usually do not amount to anything and like the name suggests, it's mostly a fleeting thought. So don't read too much into it/them. If you have a question, just ask! (Yes that's my shameless asking for comments on my posts! But thanks K.O. who always does :) hehe) Oh and for the sake of quickness, I am not gramatically correct so to all of you "Ross" types out there, can it (about the grammar).
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i am worn out. worn out all around. when i begin to think about what things i need to do, i can't help but ask, "God could you just give me like 2 more hours?" but then i realize, even if that happened, i'd probably waste it anyway because i'd be dicking around on the interwebs. much like right now. i should be studying for physio but the task is so daunting that i find myself programming myself to fail. i do this to myself too much. if unnie were here she'd smack me and yell at me for short changing myself. people in my classes think i'm smart, but they have no idea that i'm pretty much retaking all these classes... so really, i'm kinda... dumb for the lack of a better word. i'm so the anti-MV student. except when it comes to holding ridiculously high expectations for myself. then of course when i don't fulfill them, i feel worthless and like a full on eejit. i actually kind of feel like that right now. it's reinforced by those who i thought were close to me but are proving to care less. but then i turn it around on me... do i care less about them? honestly? i don't think so. if anything the want/desire to show them how much more i care gets deeper. ugh there i go turning it to me again. i can never stay too long on caring for others because apparently, all i care about is myself. i've heard it said that as people age, they more and more look out for only themselves. maybe i'm a walking, talking example of this. i'm as selfish as they get. when was the last time i did something truly for the love of someone else? ... i guess not too long ago but then it comes to bite me in the butt because later i think, "hey i wonder if they even realized ...." i'm such a terrible person. i'm so "look at me, look at me" when i want to be so edifying to others. sometimes i really wonder why God would make a person like me. ugh. anyway, i'm so glad to be single right now. then i can deal with the uglies without anyone but myself (and sometimes people and of course God) seeing them. i wonder if that's why mcirish wanted to break up with me. ugh. i hate thinking about him. i hope his sister is well and has that child she so badly wanted to have. i duno. sometimes, i pray for a wipe out. or that this life that i think i'm living is the fake one, and that actually, i'm some beautiful, hilarious, intelligent, faithful prayer warrior woman who dreams so vividly about her sad alternate. it won't happen. this is the way it is. i wish this was one of those times where it was okay, but it's not. i think way too much about stupid things than i should.... i am worn out.
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See? Pretty negative and bad eh? That's a glimpse of what it's like in my mind BUT with less ADD (because I'm tired, it's a bit easier for me to focus on one thought stream than see the hundreds of others that are firing too. Seeing inside my ADD peak mind is way crazier... haha) It's also "late" right now and I really should be studying but I felt like I needed to clear my mind before I got really into it. So... awkward.... Some private thoughts of mine are now again, on the interwebs for the world (2 people) to see. Ah well. C'est la vie right?

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Mexico recap

Back in January, two of my girlfriends and I went to the Yucatan Peninsula (I'll have you know that it's driving me a little crazy not to put the accent over the a in Yucatan) for a quick vacation. My BFF and I bought this Groupon-like thing back in June 2010 while I was still in Ireland and we decided to plan it for after my graduation... mostly because I was convinced that I wouldn't be back in school that soon. Lo and behold I was so I missed a full week (read: 2 days) of nutrition but it was okay.

ANYWHO. Back to the good stuff. I had never been to the east coast of Mexico partly by choice and partly by chance.  To me most of the east coast of Mexico is extremely touristy and therefore undesirable for my own travel preferences. I don't mean to sound snobby or anything but I'd just rather experience the country that I'm in with the locals and not a bunch of people who have (probably) have no idea what they're doing or talking about. Also, what do tourists know about where to eat that's good besides from a travel book? I've said it before and I'll say it again, I think the best way to experience a culture is through their food! So of course most of my photos are of food but some are of actual sights too. We also when to Chichen Itza, which is one of the Seven Wonders of the World (I believe). Era TAN maravilloso!

And now for the select photos:

Our first stop after leaving the airport... doesn't it look like a postcard?!

Shrimp quesadillas at Los Pelicanos restaurant!

Kali's chicken fajitas that look sooo good!

Serina's arroz con camarones...YUM

Our first bar that was very close to our place. It's called La Buena Vida. Twas! Especially with the tropical rain

HORCHATA with tacos al pastor.... one of my favorite meals of all time. 

Serina's vegetarian dish. Those are mushrooms not meat! I forget what it was called but it's mushrooms, cheese, and tomatoes on a bed of peppers.

The view every morning from our place

Super cool tree that I saw 

Can you imagine having ruins by this beach? 

Tallest point of the ruins with the beautiful blues in the back

Fish tacos with mango salsa... SO FREAKING GOOD

I really wanted to try a "homelette" but I was too full

Ceviche... super noms!

Serina's pescado en la moda veracruzana

Kali's chile relleno

CHILAQUILES CON HUEVO FRITO! En Coba... 

"Lover's chairs" is what we dubbed these. Again in Coba

Kali and Serina being my models at Chichen Itza

Each column represents a story.... so amazing

I don't think you can get more "ruiny" than this. I really wanted to climb inside but you're definitely  not allowed to.

El Caracol. The only circular structure in all of Chichen Itza.

My last meal on the Yucatan Peninsula. It was some meal that was supposed to be authentic Mayan but for the life of me I cannot remember what it's called! It was very juicy and delicious though.