Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Sometimes Koreans really piss me off

The church I attend happens to be in the same building as the one my eldest aunt and uncle on my mom's side attends. I bump into them every once in a while as where we have fellowship and they get my attention somehow. They grab my arm, shove themselves into the group I'm talking to, or make wild gestures until I see them. They make me feel... like I'm a child again I'm sure part of it is that thing that happens that your first memory or impression of someone is very strong and is how you will view them for their whole lives. I'm guilty of that too... I have more than a few dongsengs (younger siblings for you non-Koreans) that I will see forever as children or will always remind them of what they did when they were children. 

I digress. So this past Sunday at church my uncle waves me over frantically and he and my aunt begin to pepper me with questions of how I'm doing. (Let me back up.. This past Friday I sprained my ankle pretty badly and my aunt did acupuncture on it). I answered all of them and my aunt, who is normally very quiet says something and laughs. I didn't quite catch it (but I'm pretty sure I did but just didn't want to hear it) and she says in Korean, "Don't eat so gosh darn much!" And laughs. I added the gosh darn because that is how the tone was. What was I eating? Well on my plate were two little slices of crouton-y bread with spread on them and a small 1x2 slice of provolone cheese. I smiled and nodded and they left me standing there with (apparently to them) the disgusting amount of food I had on my plate. 

Can you tell that I was more than a little annoyed? All my life I have had issues with my physical appearance. When I was younger, I felt too tall. As I got older, I was definitely too tall and big. I played soccer and swam. My mother is an insanely good cook so I ate well. I drank a lot of milk. In junior high and high school,  my body image issues decided to blossom and pervade my entire life. I did not deal with them well. To this day, I am not comfortable in my own skin. Of course as I get older I get better about it but honestly... I've been noticing more and more that Koreans (maybe it's all Asians but I know Koreans well) love pointing out my "bigness." My parents had a few people over a couple weeks ago, people I had never met, and the first thing they say? "Wow, your daughter is big/has a big body." Thanks. I hadn't noticed. 

Anywho. I was/still am kind of annoyed and upset at the comment my aunt made. I guess I'm not over it. Le sigh.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Chang's visit

A year ago, my friend Chang that I've known for forever, visited me while on leave from Germany in Dublin. We did a lot of outdoorsy things... I went sea kayaking for the first time and I took her surfing as well. We had an absolute blast! It was pretty different from the other friends that had come and visited me (not that the others were bad) but this was very, very relaxed and outdoorsy. Full of activities!
This is where we went kayaking and actually surfing as well!
 We also did a lot of driving; well I did. Which I love so not a big deal at all... The best part? We talked A LOT. And it was soul refreshing. She may be younger than me, but it was something that I felt that I had missed.. I actually felt it when my friend Marina and Andi came as well but I think because Chang and I grew up in church together it was slightly different.
Luscious Ireland (the West)
 We even went to a bar... Not the one pictured below but how could I resist taking a photo of that!? I forget exactly where we were but the colors of the flags will tell you what county we were in.
I miss this (random bars)
 And then of course, we went to a rugby match. This was super fun... I think people were really confused as to why two Asian girls were there.. without guys. Haha. I definitely did not see any groups of just women let alone minority groups. It was kind of fun! Not to mention we got to watch the French National team.. unfortunately they walloped the Irish National team but eh. It was super fun!
My first and only rugby match that I went to
It was a tad awkward because although the stadium was sold out, I was a bit on edge that I'd see my ex. I was very not in the mood to see him even though we were friends at the time. I'm not sure why I felt that way but I did. 

These "year ago today" posts make me miss Ireland like no one's business. Is fada liom uaim Baile Átha Cliath.

Friday, August 10, 2012

I am the queen

Just crowned myself the queen of brekkie.... Ex-bf eat your heart out

"Eggy in a basket" (or "pirate eye") with ripe avocado seasoned with a bit of garlic salt and pepper

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Rest from Facebook

I forgot how refreshing it is to be gone from Facebook. I deactivated it probably about 3-4 weeks ago now and it honestly feels weirdly great. There are times when I'm like "Crap I can't remember when this person's birthday is" but then I think, "Well, I remember the birthdays that are really, truly important to me." Well except for one person. I couldn't remember her birthday and I felt really bad. I think she understands though. We've known each other forever.

But anyway, gone is the need to try to be "that person" for all these people that I really don't need to care about. Notice how I said "don't need" ... I want to care but I am spreading myself way too thin. Why overly care when they could care less about what my opinion or anything is? I think I get caught up in these crazy hypotheticals (and yes I'm now singing that song in my head) and kind of like my sister, I have this weird, hero complex. Like if I catch someone's status about something super depressing, I can waltz into their life and save them. When really, I couldn't even do that with someone incredibly special to me (and I know I couldn't have done anything anyway).

No doubt I will go back to it. It always drags me back somehow. But I think I'll do a purge. I always say I will but this time... I think I should. Starting with my old residents who probably don't even remember who I am! I always had this weird logic/thinking that they would be so mad at me or be like, "How dare she?!" But then will I ever see them again? And why does it matter that there are people who think like that for at most a day? Because really, if they even thought about me like that, do I want them in my life and knowing stuff in my life? Not really. (Man I sound mean)

Anywho, back to studying and realizing more and more how much I don't know. Le sigh.

Saturday, August 4, 2012