Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Sometimes Koreans really piss me off

The church I attend happens to be in the same building as the one my eldest aunt and uncle on my mom's side attends. I bump into them every once in a while as where we have fellowship and they get my attention somehow. They grab my arm, shove themselves into the group I'm talking to, or make wild gestures until I see them. They make me feel... like I'm a child again I'm sure part of it is that thing that happens that your first memory or impression of someone is very strong and is how you will view them for their whole lives. I'm guilty of that too... I have more than a few dongsengs (younger siblings for you non-Koreans) that I will see forever as children or will always remind them of what they did when they were children. 

I digress. So this past Sunday at church my uncle waves me over frantically and he and my aunt begin to pepper me with questions of how I'm doing. (Let me back up.. This past Friday I sprained my ankle pretty badly and my aunt did acupuncture on it). I answered all of them and my aunt, who is normally very quiet says something and laughs. I didn't quite catch it (but I'm pretty sure I did but just didn't want to hear it) and she says in Korean, "Don't eat so gosh darn much!" And laughs. I added the gosh darn because that is how the tone was. What was I eating? Well on my plate were two little slices of crouton-y bread with spread on them and a small 1x2 slice of provolone cheese. I smiled and nodded and they left me standing there with (apparently to them) the disgusting amount of food I had on my plate. 

Can you tell that I was more than a little annoyed? All my life I have had issues with my physical appearance. When I was younger, I felt too tall. As I got older, I was definitely too tall and big. I played soccer and swam. My mother is an insanely good cook so I ate well. I drank a lot of milk. In junior high and high school,  my body image issues decided to blossom and pervade my entire life. I did not deal with them well. To this day, I am not comfortable in my own skin. Of course as I get older I get better about it but honestly... I've been noticing more and more that Koreans (maybe it's all Asians but I know Koreans well) love pointing out my "bigness." My parents had a few people over a couple weeks ago, people I had never met, and the first thing they say? "Wow, your daughter is big/has a big body." Thanks. I hadn't noticed. 

Anywho. I was/still am kind of annoyed and upset at the comment my aunt made. I guess I'm not over it. Le sigh.

1 comment:

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