Yesterday a doctor, Kermit Gosnell, (I'm not even going to go to the place where his name totally disgraces one of my childhood favorite beings, Kermit the Frog) was convicted of murdering three babies by cutting their spinal cords with scissors.
When I read the verdict and the testimonies of the witnesses, I was literally sick to my stomach. I read it on my break at work and I got teary. This was my first time ever truly feeling sick when reading an article. Don't get me wrong, I am completely pro-choice but this.... This was something else. The way the babies/fetuses were stored ("The remains of aborted fetuses were stored in water jugs, pet food containers and a freezer at the clinic" after to me shows that he knew he was doing something wrong. He was also convicted of involuntary manslaughter of this woman because he used too much anesthesia (which actually does happen but in his facility which was reported to be understaffed and also staffed with unqualified people, just makes the situation that much worse.)
His defense was that he was doing it for the good of low-income minority women. Honestly, I keep praying that this is true and somehow, at least one of one of these women will step forward... because I really can't stomach or process the fact that a person would have a baby be born and see it breathing... then cut the spinal cord. Why go that route?
If you can stomach sad things, here's an article about the trial:
http://www.cnn.com/2013/05/14/justice/pennsylvania-abortion-doctor-trial/index.html
and then an article about one of his patients:
http://www.cnn.com/2013/05/14/justice/pennsylvania-abortion-doctor-regrets/
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Dating... again. MEH again.
So I was/am kind of dating this guy and the other day KO asked my friend M and I, with all of our dating adventures... is there anything that is a "have to have." I had to think. And this guy... made me realize that one of the things that I "have to have" is that the guy makes plans. I know that sounds weird but let me explain. A person that makes plans for another is carving out time in their schedule to think up something that they think that the person they're going to hang out with enjoys doing. Think about that. The person planning spends time thinking but also wants to spend more time with the other person and wants to make them happy. I guess another way to put it, is that they are selfless. That's going to one extreme though. I'm not saying that I want roses, a candlelit dinner, and a carriage ride. What I'm saying is that I want my partner to think of me and plan something special. Sacrifice. Because honestly... I would do the same for them. (Yes that's a bit of a humble brag)
Even for platonic relationships I think this applies. Look at the girl that I almost cut out. And maybe this is my vice or something to do with my birth order. But really I just want to be shown that I'm special enough to the other person that they want to spend their precious limited time with me. Not their lawn. Not their car. Not their bros. And I know that sounds disgustingly needy but I'm not saying ALL the time. But like once in a while. And also if the romantic relationship is just starting, I think it should be even more! Haha. I feel like you should still be trying to "win the girl over" you know? Make her feel like she's a queen and that by being with her, you feel special. Okay maybe that's too much to ask. (Can you tell this is semi how I feel about the guy that I'm sort of seeing right now?)
But really. I think one of my non-negotiables is the guy needs to make me feel special once in a while. (But of course I'll take more often than that... I mean comon. :) really.)
Even for platonic relationships I think this applies. Look at the girl that I almost cut out. And maybe this is my vice or something to do with my birth order. But really I just want to be shown that I'm special enough to the other person that they want to spend their precious limited time with me. Not their lawn. Not their car. Not their bros. And I know that sounds disgustingly needy but I'm not saying ALL the time. But like once in a while. And also if the romantic relationship is just starting, I think it should be even more! Haha. I feel like you should still be trying to "win the girl over" you know? Make her feel like she's a queen and that by being with her, you feel special. Okay maybe that's too much to ask. (Can you tell this is semi how I feel about the guy that I'm sort of seeing right now?)
But really. I think one of my non-negotiables is the guy needs to make me feel special once in a while. (But of course I'll take more often than that... I mean comon. :) really.)
Monday, April 29, 2013
Perks of being a wallflower
***HUGE spoilers****
On Friday night, a few of my closest friends and I watched "Perks of Being a Wallflower." It turned out to be actually pretty great... So it starts off by learning that the main character, Charlie, has been "away" after the suicide of his best friend... Doesn't seem like a happy movie right? Well it definitely gets better... With quite a turn at the end that was super surprising (because I hadn't read the book) but still. When Charlie basically finally gets the love interest (Emma Watson), it triggers his horrible experience of getting molested by his aunt.
It was amazing to me though how much at the end I identified with the main character. And scared me a bit. So I never was molested like he was but a close friend of mine did commit suicide and it was super difficult. And his breakdown was so... unbelievably real. He captured exactly how I felt. Well maybe not exactly but enough. If my friends weren't there... I probably would have sobbed. I cried but my back was to them thank goodness. His trigger with Emma Watson was something that I experienced after my friend was gone. There were so many triggers.. some bigger than others. What Emma Watson yells at him for too is something that I've been yelled at (well talked at for)... not looking out for my own happiness and not going for what I really want.
Finally, when Charlie snaps, he blacks out and wakes up in the institution. When the doctor asks him to let her help him, he responds with saying, "Just tell me how to make it stop... Stop seeing it. So much pain and I don't know how to not see it... Not me. It's them... I don't know how to stop it." And honestly.. I do feel like that. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but really. As I have gotten older, I am more aware of the pain that people go through. But not just people around me. People all over the world. For some odd reason, I feel partially responsible for the pain and suffering for those in terrible situations... Like I should be doing more and all I'm doing is sitting in my cushy job, doing nothing. I read about bombings, buildings collapsing, chronic malnutrition, etc and all I'm left is with this anger and sadness that it's all I'm doing about it. Reading. And stewing. I wish I could make it stop. I guess that's the other thing that I wish I could stop. Since high school, this underlying feeling of sadness/or something. Sadness isn't quite the word for it... I've never been able to pinpoint a good word for it... Anyway, I wish I could go back to when I was happier in life.. the person that everyone "remembers" me being. (Which actually is kind of funny because that happy-go-lucky person that people were seeing was definitely a mask). So I guess what I'm saying is that I wish I could mask my unhappiness more.
Anyway. Perks of Being a Wallflower was good... but also a painful reminder of the state that I will almost always be in.
On Friday night, a few of my closest friends and I watched "Perks of Being a Wallflower." It turned out to be actually pretty great... So it starts off by learning that the main character, Charlie, has been "away" after the suicide of his best friend... Doesn't seem like a happy movie right? Well it definitely gets better... With quite a turn at the end that was super surprising (because I hadn't read the book) but still. When Charlie basically finally gets the love interest (Emma Watson), it triggers his horrible experience of getting molested by his aunt.
It was amazing to me though how much at the end I identified with the main character. And scared me a bit. So I never was molested like he was but a close friend of mine did commit suicide and it was super difficult. And his breakdown was so... unbelievably real. He captured exactly how I felt. Well maybe not exactly but enough. If my friends weren't there... I probably would have sobbed. I cried but my back was to them thank goodness. His trigger with Emma Watson was something that I experienced after my friend was gone. There were so many triggers.. some bigger than others. What Emma Watson yells at him for too is something that I've been yelled at (well talked at for)... not looking out for my own happiness and not going for what I really want.
Finally, when Charlie snaps, he blacks out and wakes up in the institution. When the doctor asks him to let her help him, he responds with saying, "Just tell me how to make it stop... Stop seeing it. So much pain and I don't know how to not see it... Not me. It's them... I don't know how to stop it." And honestly.. I do feel like that. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but really. As I have gotten older, I am more aware of the pain that people go through. But not just people around me. People all over the world. For some odd reason, I feel partially responsible for the pain and suffering for those in terrible situations... Like I should be doing more and all I'm doing is sitting in my cushy job, doing nothing. I read about bombings, buildings collapsing, chronic malnutrition, etc and all I'm left is with this anger and sadness that it's all I'm doing about it. Reading. And stewing. I wish I could make it stop. I guess that's the other thing that I wish I could stop. Since high school, this underlying feeling of sadness/or something. Sadness isn't quite the word for it... I've never been able to pinpoint a good word for it... Anyway, I wish I could go back to when I was happier in life.. the person that everyone "remembers" me being. (Which actually is kind of funny because that happy-go-lucky person that people were seeing was definitely a mask). So I guess what I'm saying is that I wish I could mask my unhappiness more.
Anyway. Perks of Being a Wallflower was good... but also a painful reminder of the state that I will almost always be in.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
So much over six weeks!
First things first. Today is my brother's birthday... Hard to imagine that he's well into his 30s now.
My brother will always be that guy that is "too cool for school." Not in that bad way. But more like... he just kind of is cool. Haha. I know that sounds weird but since we were kids, he was the cool sibling. My sister was the smart one (still with style) but my brother was just the cool one. It also could be that he was sporty the way I wanted to be. Anywho. Thus ends my ode to my brother. Haha.
My sister's birthday was 5 days ago! Haha. They used to gang up on me and tell me that was just another reason to prove that I was adopted because they were both born in April. As stated earlier, my sister is incredibly smart and to follow in her footsteps was not easy... but honestly it made me want to be better at school and be well-rounded. I have the best siblings. Really.
Anywho... the rest of my past 6 weeks have been insane. One day I completely overslept and missed work but then gave myself a migraine so I couldn't even enjoy my day off. BUT then that day I got to see the Idaho chapter of my extended familiy! Oh my GOODNESS was that fun. Four girls under the age of 12. All completely different personalities. And all so cute!
Also what's been happening in the past six weeks is that I have been becoming more and more disenchanted with the illustriousness of my job. I mean I answer on average 55 phone calls a day and process about 51 faxes.a day. Doesn't sound like much but couple that with meetings and trainings.... it can be no bueno. C'est la vie though. At least I have a job right? Right.
Oh I've been in and out of the dating scene as well which is weird. Sometimes I get really jazzed about it .. and then I'm like... Nah. Haha. Ah well. I guess when my life settles down a bit more I'll feel more inclined to actually date. Meh. :)
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| Me and my brother at a rare moment in our childhood. I must have been like 4 so he was probably 7 or 8. |
My sister's birthday was 5 days ago! Haha. They used to gang up on me and tell me that was just another reason to prove that I was adopted because they were both born in April. As stated earlier, my sister is incredibly smart and to follow in her footsteps was not easy... but honestly it made me want to be better at school and be well-rounded. I have the best siblings. Really.
Anywho... the rest of my past 6 weeks have been insane. One day I completely overslept and missed work but then gave myself a migraine so I couldn't even enjoy my day off. BUT then that day I got to see the Idaho chapter of my extended familiy! Oh my GOODNESS was that fun. Four girls under the age of 12. All completely different personalities. And all so cute!
Also what's been happening in the past six weeks is that I have been becoming more and more disenchanted with the illustriousness of my job. I mean I answer on average 55 phone calls a day and process about 51 faxes.a day. Doesn't sound like much but couple that with meetings and trainings.... it can be no bueno. C'est la vie though. At least I have a job right? Right.
Oh I've been in and out of the dating scene as well which is weird. Sometimes I get really jazzed about it .. and then I'm like... Nah. Haha. Ah well. I guess when my life settles down a bit more I'll feel more inclined to actually date. Meh. :)
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Lost friendship
One of my friendships is ending. Before this point in time I think I would have been annoyed/upset but I'm pretty nonchalant about it. Maybe even more so this is why we shouldn't be friends anymore. I 've been feeling pretty snubbed by her so I think I saw it coming too. Don't get me wrong, it's not on bad terms. I think she just wants friends that are different from me.
Okay so I'm not completely nonchalant about it... Obviously I'm sad. I always had a good time when we hung out. I met a lot of really fun/cool people through her. She is a pretty selfless person that likes to have fun and no drama which is always a good person to have in life. I guess the final nail in the coffin was when she didn't even reply to my birthday invitation even though I tried incredibly hard to get to hers. She doesn't come to me anymore with issues too so I guess at best, we have become acquaintances. People who don't mind each other and will smile and make small talk when we encounter each other in public, but that's it.
I'm sure it's over because the friendship has become completely one sided (me to her and not back). I feel like when this happens and the person that you care about doesn't show the same feelings toward you, whether it is a friend or romantically, it's time to end the relationship. No?
Well anyway, I wish her the best and hope that she knows that I'll always be there for her. She deserves greatness because she is a wonderful person.
Okay so I'm not completely nonchalant about it... Obviously I'm sad. I always had a good time when we hung out. I met a lot of really fun/cool people through her. She is a pretty selfless person that likes to have fun and no drama which is always a good person to have in life. I guess the final nail in the coffin was when she didn't even reply to my birthday invitation even though I tried incredibly hard to get to hers. She doesn't come to me anymore with issues too so I guess at best, we have become acquaintances. People who don't mind each other and will smile and make small talk when we encounter each other in public, but that's it.
I'm sure it's over because the friendship has become completely one sided (me to her and not back). I feel like when this happens and the person that you care about doesn't show the same feelings toward you, whether it is a friend or romantically, it's time to end the relationship. No?
Well anyway, I wish her the best and hope that she knows that I'll always be there for her. She deserves greatness because she is a wonderful person.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Happy Valentine's Day!
A year ago today I wrote a post that had to do with baking and I will share again!
I didn't only make Funfetti cupcakes though (which is super cheating I know but I had a box leftover from my friend's party). You see a year ago today, I will employed by my old clinic which (honestly) I felt was taking a wee step backward. Today... I work at this amazing great company and completely enjoy my job and my team. Today we had yet another potluck in which I absolutely gorged myself and I made a red velvet cake that didn't turn out red because the interwebs lies sometimes. (I used beet juice but it baked out). 3/4 of the cake was left when I put it out on the counter and when I came back an hour later, it was gone! I was so happy! I don't have a photo of the cake but I have my photo of my spoils.
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| Funfetti cupcakes some hearts some regular! |
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| There was actually a lot more I just... uhm. Ate it. |
Yeah so once again my friends, happy Valentine's Day (GALENTINE'S DAY.. eheheh for those of you who watch Parks and Rec), Happy Red Day to my Koreans and feliz dia de San Valentin!
Monday, February 11, 2013
Dream recap(s)
So if you know me personally, you will know that I have never personally experienced a deja vu. Ever. I know what it is and everything I just have never had that experience. I have people describe it to me when it happens (and I always think of the Friends episode where Phoebe says, "I think I'm getting a deja vu..." and then Monica is like whatever and then repeats herself and then Phoebe exclaims, "There it is!!!!" Hahhah. 'Twas such a great show) but I can confirm that I've never felt it.
However last night, I can't remember my dream completely but I know in my dream I experienced a deja vu. Does that count? Something was happening and I remember in my dream I said, "Woah, I think this is my first deja vu!" BUT I woke up in my dream and thought (as I was actually still really dreaming), "Wait, is this a deja vu? Because I had a dream about a deja vu?" AND THEN I woke up for reals and was really confused. And tired. Haha
Last week I also had my first work dream. I was sitting and papers were "raining" and I was able to grab a couple and they were the forms that we use at work. Sigh. Le sad.
Why can't I have normal fantastic dreams? Honestly, I'd even appreciate a nightmare... Okay maybe I should knock on wood...
However last night, I can't remember my dream completely but I know in my dream I experienced a deja vu. Does that count? Something was happening and I remember in my dream I said, "Woah, I think this is my first deja vu!" BUT I woke up in my dream and thought (as I was actually still really dreaming), "Wait, is this a deja vu? Because I had a dream about a deja vu?" AND THEN I woke up for reals and was really confused. And tired. Haha
Last week I also had my first work dream. I was sitting and papers were "raining" and I was able to grab a couple and they were the forms that we use at work. Sigh. Le sad.
Why can't I have normal fantastic dreams? Honestly, I'd even appreciate a nightmare... Okay maybe I should knock on wood...
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