Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Lost friendship

One of my friendships is ending. Before this point in time I think I would have been annoyed/upset but I'm pretty nonchalant about it. Maybe even more so this is why we shouldn't be friends anymore. I 've been feeling pretty snubbed by her so I think I saw it coming too. Don't get me wrong, it's not on bad terms. I think she just wants friends that are different from me.

Okay so I'm not completely nonchalant about it... Obviously I'm sad. I always had a good time when we hung out. I met a lot of really fun/cool people through her. She is a pretty selfless person that likes to have fun and no drama which is always a good person to have in life. I guess the final nail in the coffin was when she didn't even reply to my birthday invitation even though I tried incredibly hard to get to hers. She doesn't come to me anymore with issues too so I guess at best, we have become acquaintances. People who don't mind each other and will smile and make small talk when we encounter each other in public, but that's it.

I'm sure it's over because the friendship has become completely one sided (me to her and not back). I feel like when this happens and the person that you care about doesn't show the same feelings toward you, whether it is a friend or romantically, it's time to end the relationship. No?

Well anyway, I wish her the best and hope that she knows that I'll always be there for her. She deserves greatness because she is a wonderful person.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Happy Valentine's Day!

A year ago today I wrote a post that had to do with baking and I will share again!
Funfetti cupcakes some hearts some regular!
I didn't only make Funfetti cupcakes though (which is super cheating I know but I had a box leftover from my friend's party). You see a year ago today, I will employed by my old clinic which (honestly) I felt was taking a wee step backward. Today... I work at this amazing great company and completely enjoy my job and my team. Today we had yet another potluck in which I absolutely gorged myself and I made a red velvet cake that didn't turn out red because the interwebs lies sometimes. (I used beet juice but it baked out). 3/4 of the cake was left when I put it out on the counter and when I came back an hour later, it was gone! I was so happy! I don't have a photo of the cake but I have my photo of my spoils. 

There was actually a lot more I just... uhm. Ate it.
Yeah so once again my friends, happy Valentine's Day (GALENTINE'S DAY.. eheheh for those of you who watch Parks and Rec), Happy Red Day to my Koreans and feliz dia de San Valentin!

Monday, February 11, 2013

Dream recap(s)

So if you know me personally, you will know that I have never personally experienced a deja vu. Ever. I know what it is and everything I just have never had that experience. I have people describe it to me when it happens (and I always think of the Friends episode where Phoebe says, "I think I'm getting a deja vu..." and then Monica is like whatever and then repeats herself and then Phoebe exclaims, "There it is!!!!" Hahhah. 'Twas such a great show) but I can confirm that I've never  felt it.

However last night, I can't remember my dream completely but I know in my dream I experienced a deja vu. Does that count? Something was happening and I remember in my dream I said, "Woah, I think this is my first deja vu!" BUT I woke up in my dream and thought (as I was actually still really dreaming), "Wait, is this  a deja vu? Because I had a dream about a deja vu?" AND THEN I woke up for reals and was really confused. And tired. Haha

Last week I also had my first work dream. I was sitting and papers were "raining" and I was able to grab a couple and they were the forms that we use at work. Sigh. Le sad.

Why can't I have normal fantastic dreams? Honestly, I'd even appreciate a nightmare... Okay maybe I should knock on wood...

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Another loss

Last night I found out that my former youth pastor passed away. I hate the phrase "lost battle to cancer." He fought hard. When he was first diagnosed, it wasn't like he didn't try to get them to test for things before. That's what gets me mad. He went to the doctor a few times before diagnosis because he knew there was something wrong. I get it. Doctors get patients who are hypochondriacs but his PCP should know him and know that he is an extremely intelligent man and does not go to the doctor unless something is really wrong. Ugh. One of my biggest pet peeves.

Anywho. This is supposed to be about my youth pastor. So I have friends who are not Christian so they might not quite understand what this actually means to me. Or the gravity of the situation for me. This man basically shaped my faith. No, he did not "trick," "guilt," or "brainwash" me into the Christian faith. Rather he presented strong evidence, patience, and respect/love to a bratty teenager of how great and awesome God is. Also, when I was severely (basically clinically) depressed, he saved me. He showed me that life is more than just surviving and I could live and enjoy it if I saw the love of God and how truly good He is.

Honestly, he was so intelligent. He sacrificed what could have been a very lucrative medical career to deal with bratty, privileged teenagers and pre-teens and their inconsequential problems. He worked tirelessly to help students realize that they don't have to feel alone in the world and thus create a sense of community amongst us/them. Because of the fact that most of us are/were second generation Asians, we had a lot of issues with our parents and the lack of encouragement, outward expression of love, etc. etc. He honestly helped so many students feel loved and accepted and work through their issues. Some of course were tougher than others but he persisted.

He shaped my faith into something that could grow stronger.... even with undergrad looming. Every time we went to Mexico, my desire for international health grew stronger. He tried to boost my confidence and helped me to believe that I could more with my life than I thought. I'm not saying he's perfect because no one is and he was definitely rough around the edges, but he always tried to help students, even though they/we might have been stubborn to change.

I'm in a weird space. There's a mix of emotions... sadness because if I ever get married and have kids, they will only know him because I talk about him. Happiness because he's not suffering anymore and he's with God.. what he's always wanted (that's not morbid either. He just knew that this was temporary and heaven would be infinitely better than this). Sadness because he won't get to see me start my career. Happiness that he and CJ are together again. Overall? Relief. Relief that the suffering is over, his family was around, and that I got to say what I wanted to in the end. I was lucky.

JDSN, I am a better person because of you today. Thank you for everything you have done. Love you.