So my first week of school is done with and I have to say that my stress level is ... still the same but feels different. I know that sounds weird but basically before school started, it felt like this gigantic question mark that loomed over me and threatening my sanity.
Now that question mark is much smaller but ... I still have some stress and anxiety. Yes all my teachers/lecturers/professors have reiterated over and over that each student is there not by chance but because they were exclusively chosen by the faculty... and because they know we can succeed in these programs. It's fantastic to hear but my old nagging, self-destructive voice is still there saying, "Are you sure? You're pretty old now. You don't remember stuff like you used to. The rest of the cohort is smarter, younger and faster. Remember how poorly you did in school?"
That voice is something I know I have to fight hard and with the help and prayers of my aptly named "Thunder Buddies" (a term I'm taking from my dear friend Adam from sadrunner.com) ... I think I can do it.
So far, even the fiancé has been great. He's been great at making sure I'm doing all my reading and school work. But even still, there's that negative voice again that says, "yes but you're not paying him enough attention and he will resent you..."
Ugh the negative voice sucks. I should name it something horrible... like Voldemort. And then defeat it! Hmmm this has proved to be a good session of writing.
Onward and upward!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment