After she died, (and to be completely cliche) I came to appreciate who was still around even more. Even three years out, if someone says, "I've been kind of sad lately" my ears and my heart stand on edge. I don't think I can handle another person close to me dying at a young age. I tell my friends I love them. A lot. I think to the point where they feel weird about it but I can't help it. What if something happens and God forbid they die or slip into a coma... and I have to wait until I die to meet them again to tell them how much I loved them?
That's the hard part. The waiting. I just... I just want to be able to look her physically face to face and say, "Buddy, I love you. Don't leave me." I know it's selfish but I can't help it. I want to hug her tight one last time and tell her that if she wants me to let go, she's going to have to force me. I want her to wear her butt pads when we go to a bar again and we can laugh about it. I want to make her ramen and not let her clean up.
But really all I want is to have her back.
I know I won't get her back so I'll keep on living and grasping at the memories so they don't fade. I'll keep telling my friends that I love them. And I'll keep telling her I love her too.