Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Break ups

I just broke it off with a guy for the second time in my life. It was really difficult to approach but honestly, after talking it over and praying about it with one of my best friends and small group leader (I'm SO lucky to have those two characteristics in one person) I knew once and for all it was the right thing to do. For the first time in my life (that I can remember) I truly feel "free" in God and from sin. I'll be the first to admit/confess that many times leading the Christian life can feel constricting in the things you can and cannot do, but this time, I feel free in God... As K said tonight, I'm running into faith rather than from it. I truly, truly feel free now... Before I felt trapped, like I was lying to so many people. But now, I have nothing to hide. The thing that was holding me back is gone. Okay that last sentence sounded really mean because I called a human being a thing but I don't mean him but I mean the sin surrounding him being in my life.

I'm not going to say he took it well because he sounded pretty angry. The first time I had to do this, the guy was actually very sweet and wished me the best. The "take care" at the end of our phone conversation felt contrived and forced. It's okay. I know I meant it. I only can now hope and pray that I didn't hurt him and make his feelings for Christians shift negatively (because he knows I am one).

God is good. All the time. I need to remember that.

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