Yesterday I realized something pretty important... but before I get there, some background.
When my friend passed away, I was overcome with the need to make sure all my friends knew how much they meant to me to try to ensure if, God forbid, something like that happened again, my guilt would be less severe. So being a good friend was something that I strive for all the time....
When I feel like I'm not being a good friend, I am consumed with sadness and disappointment with myself and become overall very negative towards myself and kind of everyone else as well. This may be a childish reaction, but unfortunately, after dealing with my previous experiences, this is what happens.
Last night I finally realized that since a friendship is a relationship that goes both ways, the person I consider a friend should reciprocate and try to be my friend too. I can't keep going on blaming myself for not being a good friend when in reality, I am being a good friend it's just that the other person, doesn't want to receive it.
That's it. I can be a good friend and a good person, but if the other person doesn't recognize that, then nuts to them and I can move on.
That being said, during this Lenten season, I will recognize one positive thing in my life everyday (and also try to give up cursing). My positive thing today: I have friends who do care about me and check in with me and I am forever grateful for that.