A year ago today, I made one of the only mistakes in my life that I wish I could take back. I hooked up with a coworker. I had a crush on him for three months and off-handedly (or so I hoped it would seem) invited him out for a pub crawl that my friends and I were doing to celebrate one of my most favorite holidays, St. Patrick's Day. He said that he'd try which I took as no... but then he showed. I was totally in shock because I had already resigned to being rejected by yet another guy in my life. This was the first guy since the ex that I was stoked about.
So he met us at this horrible little bar in San Francisco whose only saving grace was that is had beer pong. Until that day/night, I had never played it. So we played teams. Somehow (I'm going to chalk it up to beginner's luck), we kept winning. My two real friends that I was with were away drinking (and probably talking about how it was going with me) but also cheering us on. One of them wanted a smoke break so she took the other and they were gone for a while. During that while, we finally lost and lost our place at the table. I should mention that after every good shot, we celebrated. At first it started off really friendly with high fives. Then it progressed to hugs then to quick kisses. I remember when he first kissed me. It was quick but it was enough to send sparks through my head like "HOLY MOLY. HE'S KISSING ME. HE KISSED ME. CRAP CRAP CRAP." So when we lost we sat down and basically immediately started making out. What I mean by that is that we sat awkwardly and said about a sentence each about how fun that was then we just started making out. Then I heard my friends giggle and say loudly, "So I guess we're going to leave...." and I was like NO. DO NOT LEAVE ME HERE. So, the coworker, my friends and I went to my friend's house where we put in a DVD... but then the other folks went to bed. Then, we hooked up. On their couch. UGH.
Then ensued the longest, stupidest non-relationship I've ever had. I fell wayyyyyyy too hard and fast for him. He told me about 6 weeks in that he was still getting over a failed engagement and even then I said, "It's okay. I still want to be friends and hook up. I can separate my feelings." NOPE. NOT. POSSIBLE. He was hot and cold from March until September. And in October, I finally called it quits. No more. I couldn't stop myself from having a healthy relationship (I started talking to a guy from OkCupid who I am happily still with now) just on the off chance that this stupid coworker would miraculously be over his ex-fiancee and love me back. I wrote him a letter (which took him a month to read) telling him that I couldn't do this to myself anymore and that he is very obviously still in love with his ex. I know he read it. I don't know his response. Which is fine. I don't want to know
All I can say is, thank God my boyfriend and I found each other on Facebook so I could have faith in men but also, let myself have an actual healthy relationship for a change.