Monday, December 14, 2015

A phrase that doesn't help

So like a hopeful goober, I have been applying to nurse practitioner school because I still feel like I am meant to be on the side of practicing medicine rather than the business side of medicine. The problem is that most schools, don't agree with me. I keep getting rejections which is really getting to me. I'm getting so tired of hearing "no," that I'm on the verge of giving up. Maybe I'm not meant to and that's why I keep hearing no...? Ugh whatever.

But to the point of the title of this post... When I tell people that I got yet another rejection, a common response I hear is, "Oh but that school is really hard to get into" or "That's like the Harvard of nursing schools"... I know that those phrases are meant to be encouraging, but to me that just means that those people don't think highly of me that I could even get into those types of schools. Yes, I probably couldn't get into Harvard but to have an external person tell you that they also believe/know that I cannot get into a really good school, is painful.

I've talked about this before I think... but by now if you read this blog, you know that my self-confidence is very low. I don't think I'm good looking, a good friend, nor that great of a person in general. But the ONE thing that I feel slightly more confident about is the fact that I am not a dumb person. Yes it takes me a bit to process something, but I do have a Masters degree and I feel like not everyone has the ability to sit through all the classes, pass the classes, and write a thesis to get a Masters. And I did that (even with a month of almost dying).

So when someone tells me, "Well that school is super hard to get into" all I want to say back is, "So? You think I can't get into that school? Do you think I'm not good enough? Would you have thought they made a mistake if I did get in?"

Ugh. Sorry I know that's a super negative way of looking at what is supposed to be an encouraging statement but right now, that's how I hear those statements.

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