So I finally have moved on to start my career as a healthcare practitioner. I got into nursing school at Samuel Merritt about 3 miles from where I live (so now I bicycle instead of drive!) and over the next two years (and a few months) I finally get to learn about being the best healthcare practitioner I can be!
It has been such a journey til now. I've been applying for the last two years but super seriously for the last year. It has been a struggle and really re-ignited some issues I thought I had gotten over and made others just come super to the forefront (like my depression).
It's day two of school and I'm loving it. One of our teachers said today, "Another way to show you really care is to let go." That statement spoke to me on so many different levels. All of the staff/faculty have been telling us as well that we are all here because they CHOSE us. They didn't have to let any one of us in but they chose us out of a field of applicants. I have to remind myself of that. The administration chose me because they saw my potential and they know I can finish the program. I have to stop the self defeat and beating up.
The other day I had this amazing talk/hang out with a friend and it seriously was absolutely necessary and fantastic. She confirmed and affirmed so many of my feelings that I haven't said to anyone aloud because I just felt foolish. She supported me and continues to support me which feels astonishingly awesome.
Anyway, I felt like I needed to get all that out before I forgot. Phew.
Showing posts with label health care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health care. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
Monday, December 14, 2015
A phrase that doesn't help
So like a hopeful goober, I have been applying to nurse practitioner school because I still feel like I am meant to be on the side of practicing medicine rather than the business side of medicine. The problem is that most schools, don't agree with me. I keep getting rejections which is really getting to me. I'm getting so tired of hearing "no," that I'm on the verge of giving up. Maybe I'm not meant to and that's why I keep hearing no...? Ugh whatever.
But to the point of the title of this post... When I tell people that I got yet another rejection, a common response I hear is, "Oh but that school is really hard to get into" or "That's like the Harvard of nursing schools"... I know that those phrases are meant to be encouraging, but to me that just means that those people don't think highly of me that I could even get into those types of schools. Yes, I probably couldn't get into Harvard but to have an external person tell you that they also believe/know that I cannot get into a really good school, is painful.
I've talked about this before I think... but by now if you read this blog, you know that my self-confidence is very low. I don't think I'm good looking, a good friend, nor that great of a person in general. But the ONE thing that I feel slightly more confident about is the fact that I am not a dumb person. Yes it takes me a bit to process something, but I do have a Masters degree and I feel like not everyone has the ability to sit through all the classes, pass the classes, and write a thesis to get a Masters. And I did that (even with a month of almost dying).
So when someone tells me, "Well that school is super hard to get into" all I want to say back is, "So? You think I can't get into that school? Do you think I'm not good enough? Would you have thought they made a mistake if I did get in?"
Ugh. Sorry I know that's a super negative way of looking at what is supposed to be an encouraging statement but right now, that's how I hear those statements.
But to the point of the title of this post... When I tell people that I got yet another rejection, a common response I hear is, "Oh but that school is really hard to get into" or "That's like the Harvard of nursing schools"... I know that those phrases are meant to be encouraging, but to me that just means that those people don't think highly of me that I could even get into those types of schools. Yes, I probably couldn't get into Harvard but to have an external person tell you that they also believe/know that I cannot get into a really good school, is painful.
I've talked about this before I think... but by now if you read this blog, you know that my self-confidence is very low. I don't think I'm good looking, a good friend, nor that great of a person in general. But the ONE thing that I feel slightly more confident about is the fact that I am not a dumb person. Yes it takes me a bit to process something, but I do have a Masters degree and I feel like not everyone has the ability to sit through all the classes, pass the classes, and write a thesis to get a Masters. And I did that (even with a month of almost dying).
So when someone tells me, "Well that school is super hard to get into" all I want to say back is, "So? You think I can't get into that school? Do you think I'm not good enough? Would you have thought they made a mistake if I did get in?"
Ugh. Sorry I know that's a super negative way of looking at what is supposed to be an encouraging statement but right now, that's how I hear those statements.
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
My naive dream
It's no secret that the health care system here in the US benefits little. With the advent of Obamacare, yes more people have health insurance but is that truly helping them? Today I was listening to Marketplace on 88.5 on my commute home and they talked about health care and this insurance company in Oregon called CareOregon that has this program called "Health Resilience Program." From Marketplace's website: The idea is that healthcare providers leave the exam room and spend more time developing relationships with patients in their kitchens and living rooms.
I was reminded of my naive dream. Back when I wanted to be an MD or DO my dream was to get my degree in primary care and work in urban or rural areas... basically places where people either can't afford health care or have their state Medicaid insurance. My naive dream? To open my own clinic where, yes I would take insurance, but I would have the people that I served pay me in what they could as well... Mainly I thought about food. I'll do your yearly (or however often exam) and you can make me a lasagna, enchiladas... whatever you're good at making.
When I first developed this dream, I was an undergrad student studying abroad in Oaxaca, Mexico in 2006. I was fortunate enough to have a rotating internship at different kinds of clinics in the city and also in Puerto Escondido. I know the health system in Mexico is different from the US but there are similarities as well. People still suffer from the same diseases and also can have the same financial difficulties. My passion for practicing medicine grew and matured.
Unfortunately, according to the standards of the medical schools here in the US, I do not have what it takes to become a physician. So what am I doing now? Applying to become something 100% better. A nurse practitioner. Why do I think it's better? From what I've seen, nurse practitioners get more time with their patients and still have autonomy. They're not forced just just churn patients and their in and out during the day. (off the soapbox now)
Back to the dream and the program I listened to today. Some economist from Harvard said that "so many things we do in American health care because we think that they must work....But every time we looked, we’ve found the answer has been a big giant zero." I think/hope he wasn't including primary and preventative care. Because time and time again studies have shown that those two things are actually cost effective. Even this article, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK53914/, says findings show "mixed results" but aren't mixed results better than billions of dollars being spent on unnecessary treatment? Also, I understand that health care workers need to be compensated for their knowledge at time but goodness gracious.... At the cost of people dying because they can't afford treatment? Where is the Hippocratic oath in that? How can someone feel okay with not treating someone because that someone feels that they won't get compensated justly? You're going to let that person's morbidity continue to decrease?
Okay sorry apparently I climbed back on the soapbox again. Anywho. I know my dream will never come true but maybe one day, I can help bring back the concept of a doctor's (or nurse practitioner) house call so I can be closer to my dream.
(btw here's the article from Marketplace if you want to actually read it: http://www.marketplace.org/topics/health-care/challenge-pairing-sick-social-services)
I was reminded of my naive dream. Back when I wanted to be an MD or DO my dream was to get my degree in primary care and work in urban or rural areas... basically places where people either can't afford health care or have their state Medicaid insurance. My naive dream? To open my own clinic where, yes I would take insurance, but I would have the people that I served pay me in what they could as well... Mainly I thought about food. I'll do your yearly (or however often exam) and you can make me a lasagna, enchiladas... whatever you're good at making.
When I first developed this dream, I was an undergrad student studying abroad in Oaxaca, Mexico in 2006. I was fortunate enough to have a rotating internship at different kinds of clinics in the city and also in Puerto Escondido. I know the health system in Mexico is different from the US but there are similarities as well. People still suffer from the same diseases and also can have the same financial difficulties. My passion for practicing medicine grew and matured.
Unfortunately, according to the standards of the medical schools here in the US, I do not have what it takes to become a physician. So what am I doing now? Applying to become something 100% better. A nurse practitioner. Why do I think it's better? From what I've seen, nurse practitioners get more time with their patients and still have autonomy. They're not forced just just churn patients and their in and out during the day. (off the soapbox now)
Back to the dream and the program I listened to today. Some economist from Harvard said that "so many things we do in American health care because we think that they must work....But every time we looked, we’ve found the answer has been a big giant zero." I think/hope he wasn't including primary and preventative care. Because time and time again studies have shown that those two things are actually cost effective. Even this article, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK53914/, says findings show "mixed results" but aren't mixed results better than billions of dollars being spent on unnecessary treatment? Also, I understand that health care workers need to be compensated for their knowledge at time but goodness gracious.... At the cost of people dying because they can't afford treatment? Where is the Hippocratic oath in that? How can someone feel okay with not treating someone because that someone feels that they won't get compensated justly? You're going to let that person's morbidity continue to decrease?
Okay sorry apparently I climbed back on the soapbox again. Anywho. I know my dream will never come true but maybe one day, I can help bring back the concept of a doctor's (or nurse practitioner) house call so I can be closer to my dream.
(btw here's the article from Marketplace if you want to actually read it: http://www.marketplace.org/topics/health-care/challenge-pairing-sick-social-services)
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