Sometimes Koreans really piss me off

The church I attend happens to be in the same building as the one my eldest aunt and uncle on my mom's side attends. I bump into them every once in a while as where we have fellowship and they get my attention somehow. They grab my arm, shove themselves into the group I'm talking to, or make wild gestures until I see them. They make me feel... like I'm a child again I'm sure part of it is that thing that happens that your first memory or impression of someone is very strong and is how you will view them for their whole lives. I'm guilty of that too... I have more than a few dongsengs (younger siblings for you non-Koreans) that I will see forever as children or will always remind them of what they did when they were children. 

I digress. So this past Sunday at church my uncle waves me over frantically and he and my aunt begin to pepper me with questions of how I'm doing. (Let me back up.. This past Friday I sprained my ankle pretty badly and my aunt did acupuncture on it). I answered all of them and my aunt, who is normally very quiet says something and laughs. I didn't quite catch it (but I'm pretty sure I did but just didn't want to hear it) and she says in Korean, "Don't eat so gosh darn much!" And laughs. I added the gosh darn because that is how the tone was. What was I eating? Well on my plate were two little slices of crouton-y bread with spread on them and a small 1x2 slice of provolone cheese. I smiled and nodded and they left me standing there with (apparently to them) the disgusting amount of food I had on my plate. 

Can you tell that I was more than a little annoyed? All my life I have had issues with my physical appearance. When I was younger, I felt too tall. As I got older, I was definitely too tall and big. I played soccer and swam. My mother is an insanely good cook so I ate well. I drank a lot of milk. In junior high and high school,  my body image issues decided to blossom and pervade my entire life. I did not deal with them well. To this day, I am not comfortable in my own skin. Of course as I get older I get better about it but honestly... I've been noticing more and more that Koreans (maybe it's all Asians but I know Koreans well) love pointing out my "bigness." My parents had a few people over a couple weeks ago, people I had never met, and the first thing they say? "Wow, your daughter is big/has a big body." Thanks. I hadn't noticed. 

Anywho. I was/still am kind of annoyed and upset at the comment my aunt made. I guess I'm not over it. Le sigh.

Chang's visit

A year ago, my friend Chang that I've known for forever, visited me while on leave from Germany in Dublin. We did a lot of outdoorsy things... I went sea kayaking for the first time and I took her surfing as well. We had an absolute blast! It was pretty different from the other friends that had come and visited me (not that the others were bad) but this was very, very relaxed and outdoorsy. Full of activities!

This is where we went kayaking and actually surfing as well!

 We also did a lot of driving; well I did. Which I love so not a big deal at all... The best part? We talked A LOT. And it was soul refreshing. She may be younger than me, but it was something that I felt that I had missed.. I actually felt it when my friend Marina and Andi came as well but I think because Chang and I grew up in church together it was slightly different.

Luscious Ireland (the West)

 We even went to a bar... Not the one pictured below but how could I resist taking a photo of that!? I forget exactly where we were but the colors of the flags will tell you what county we were in.

I miss this (random bars)

 And then of course, we went to a rugby match. This was super fun... I think people were really confused as to why two Asian girls were there.. without guys. Haha. I definitely did not see any groups of just women let alone minority groups. It was kind of fun! Not to mention we got to watch the French National team.. unfortunately they walloped the Irish National team but eh. It was super fun!

My first and only rugby match that I went to

It was a tad awkward because although the stadium was sold out, I was a bit on edge that I'd see my ex. I was very not in the mood to see him even though we were friends at the time. I'm not sure why I felt that way but I did. 

These "year ago today" posts make me miss Ireland like no one's business. Is fada liom uaim Baile Átha Cliath.

I am the queen

Just crowned myself the queen of brekkie.... Ex-bf eat your heart out

"Eggy in a basket" (or "pirate eye") with ripe avocado seasoned with a bit of garlic salt and pepper

Rest from Facebook

I forgot how refreshing it is to be gone from Facebook. I deactivated it probably about 3-4 weeks ago now and it honestly feels weirdly great. There are times when I'm like "Crap I can't remember when this person's birthday is" but then I think, "Well, I remember the birthdays that are really, truly important to me." Well except for one person. I couldn't remember her birthday and I felt really bad. I think she understands though. We've known each other forever.

But anyway, gone is the need to try to be "that person" for all these people that I really don't need to care about. Notice how I said "don't need" ... I want to care but I am spreading myself way too thin. Why overly care when they could care less about what my opinion or anything is? I think I get caught up in these crazy hypotheticals (and yes I'm now singing that song in my head) and kind of like my sister, I have this weird, hero complex. Like if I catch someone's status about something super depressing, I can waltz into their life and save them. When really, I couldn't even do that with someone incredibly special to me (and I know I couldn't have done anything anyway).

No doubt I will go back to it. It always drags me back somehow. But I think I'll do a purge. I always say I will but this time... I think I should. Starting with my old residents who probably don't even remember who I am! I always had this weird logic/thinking that they would be so mad at me or be like, "How dare she?!" But then will I ever see them again? And why does it matter that there are people who think like that for at most a day? Because really, if they even thought about me like that, do I want them in my life and knowing stuff in my life? Not really. (Man I sound mean)

Anywho, back to studying and realizing more and more how much I don't know. Le sigh.

Happiness

This TED talk made me laugh and I completely agree with him. But now to apply it to myself.

http://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work.html

family is too fun

So yesterday my sister and I took 2 of our nieces (from our cousin) to see Les Miserables. The older one, D, just turned 13 and is reading the novel and is completely obsessed with it. I mean she brought the book to the theatre and calls it her baby. Hilarious. The younger, E, just turned 11 and I think she was just excited to be out and about. I picked them up in Santa Clara from my cousin's work and the fun began!

We drove up to San Francisco and there was no traffic thank goodness. They commented on how the drive felt so much longer "when they were younger." Of course that statement made me feel incredibly old. But in any case, I thought the drive was going to be super awkward but it ended up being really, really great! She was so jazzed and excited, she could not stop talking about it. So she hasn't finished the book but she was so excited and loved it so much so quickly, that she read the middle and the end! It was so amazing to listen to her talk... She's getting so grown up and chooses her words so carefully. Of course she still is very much a teenager but yeah. It's also a tad bit disconcerting that I agree with her or can talk to her about a bunch of different topics. I am apparently, a teenage girl still. Haha.

We ate at The American Grilled Cheese Kitchen which was yet again, great. My sister and I both got the "Red, White and Blue plate special" which was a small sandwich with soup or salad. I got salad and my sister got the soup but we both got the jalapeno popper sandwich. It was surprisingly spicy but so delicious. D got the mac n cheese stuffed grilled cheese and E got the mouse trap. They loved their sandwiches and even ate their plums after! Which was a great touch. The plums were perfectly ripe and everything!

We watched the musical and D absolutely loved it. She said it went really fast but trying to shove 1400 pages of a very dense novel into 3 hours is pretty difficult and she admitted that. But she couldn't even decide what her favorite song was and was alllllll smiles. Again, I think E liked that we were just hanging out. I don't think she quite got it but it was okay. I forgot how much sex and stuff is in it so that made me a bit uncomfortable but later D confirmed my worst fear... 13 year olds know way  more than they should about sex. That makes me so sad. But also I was a little happy on the inside because she still said it was gross! YAY! Haha... it's the little wins that you need to take.

The funniest/saddest part of the day for me? When they said that they had never seen manual windows before (sad part) BUT they said it was cool and retro and they loved the "rolly windows"... I'M COOL AGAIN!!!

annoyance

another word vomit post but i've excessively exhaled in the library about 6 times in the last 20 minutes and have become that crazy woman. so i need to get it out or else i might scream.

i really hate (and i don't use that word often) editing cover letters and resumes. for some ridiculous, stupid reason i take the constructive criticism incredibly personally and i effing hate that about myself. every edit i see that i've gotten this voice in my head goes, "are you serious?! EFF ME. why? why was that idea bad? why are you 'ambivalent' about this? UGH GODDAMMIT"

it doesn't help that i got a scolding email sent with the edits. what a great way to get me to accept your edits humbly. NOT. i'm SO FREAKING frustrated right now that i just want to scream and yell at my computer as if it was someone but i can't. because i'm in the stupid library. wasting my life. i hate it.